Nannies and Prams


I was walking the dog yesterday when I tripped over the ill kempt remains of a dead squirrel. In trying to keep said remains out of the treads of my reeboks I attempted to perform a Xena-like maneuver that merely landed me tail first in a pothole of the space-time continuum. The experience was so unnerving that I have now taken it upon myself to invent my own words to describe it.

So where did I end up? Aside from a bruised ego and tailbone--what else would you expect from someone who only made "satisfactory" grades in gym class--I found myself on the sidewalk in front of my house. Or so it seemed. At the other end of my leash there was a very large purple rottweiler with lime green markings. He gave me a confused look then licked my nose to say all was well even if it didn't seem so. Thus Shiloh and I got up and continued on our journey.

It was then that we noticed how crowded the sidewalk had become. We were surrounded by nannies wearing Mary Poppins outfits and pushing prams. Immediately two ran over and flooded me with questions. "Where do you live? What is your dog's name? Why is he so little? Do your parents let you walk your dog by yourself?" I answered as quickly as I could and tried to walk away in a different direction, but they would have nothing of it.

"you must have one of those progressive mothers" said one of them. "That is all fine and well but you shouldn't be out walking alone. you shall walk with us." And so we did. Never underestimate the persuasive powers of a petite British woman wearing a uniform. As we walked, the nannies quizzed me on my life skills. "How was my needlepoint? Which fork does one use for the fish course? How many place settings of china are needed by the typical new bride..."

On and on it went and as the questions became more absurd I adjusted my answers accordingly. By the end of it all the nannies were ready to send me off to a convent school. Thankfully the interrogation was cut off when the nannies ahead of us started yelling. "Run for your lives, the tax men are coming, they are going to steal the children, run, run, run.So we ran. I ran back to the house, tripped over an enormous blue chipmunk, and found my big black and mahogany puppy dog licking my nose.